Every year around Thanksgiving, I notice the same pattern. The people who carry the most at work, the reliable ones, the quiet stabilizers, the ones who hold everything together in the background, are usually the ones who hit the holidays completely drained.
And speaking as someone who has spent most of my career as one of those people, I know how heavy that load can be.
The invisible work behind the work.
High performers carry more than responsibilities. They carry context. They carry nuance. They carry the emotional tone of their teams. They anticipate needs before anyone else sees them. They adjust their reactions to support others. They absorb stress so their teams do not have to.
For me it’s a double edged sword, I have ADHD, and I do my best work when I have a full plate. My brain runs best when there is a lot happening at once. But the flip side is that the more I take on, the more I naturally absorb. And sometimes the sheer volume of what I hold leads to burnout I never saw coming.
There is also a certain emotional weight that comes with it. Sometimes the weight of carrying everything makes me feel a little animosity. Not because I resent the work itself, like I said in my best self in chaos, but because it kills me a little inside when I see others not doing the same. Or not even noticing the difference.
And don’t get me wrong I’m in a great place and I get thanked a lot. I definitely feel appreciated. But sometimes the expectations placed on me feel disproportionally higher than what is placed on others, which can make those expressions of appreciation feel a bit tainted. Gratitude without equal expectations starts to feel like applause for running a marathon while others stroll the first mile.
If you know the feeling, you are not alone.
The holiday crash is real.
Right before Thanksgiving, high performers start to unravel a bit. There’s no dramatic crash out, but physically and emotionally, the slowdown hits hard. You have been holding everything together for months, and when your body gets permission to pause, it collapses a little.
And here’s the part that about corporate life that always seems to sneak up on us. With all the Q4 holidays stacked between the end of November and January 1, every milestone seems to coalesce in the narrow window leading up to the breaks. Which means for those of us carrying multiple projects or workloads, the last few weeks have felt like we have been hit with a Mack truck. And to go from completely underwater to relaxing by the fire in a matter of days is a pretty big mental swing.
This week is supposed to be a break, but for many of us, it only happens if we take intentional steps to disconnect.
How to actually reset this week
Rest is not passive. Especially for people who operate at full capacity by default. Here are the things that genuinely help:
1. Put your work phone in another room
If you have a second phone for work, leave it there.
If you only have one phone, set your work accounts to send notifications only once a day.
You will be amazed how much mental clarity comes from not hearing that little buzz every ten minutes.
2. Stop trying to earn your rest
High performers have a tendency to just finish one more thing before relaxing. That loop never ends.
You do not need a clean slate to deserve downtime.
3. Set one simple boundary
Tell your team you will check for urgent items once per day.
Do not check twenty times.
Do not hover.
One time. That is enough.
4. Do something that is not productive
Walk, nap, read, scroll TikTok, bake, sit.
Your worth is not tied to output, even if you have been rewarded for output your whole life.
But if it makes you feel better try reframing it as a goal. You’re goal is to do nothing, and you can check off that box as task completed.
My favorite tip that actually lightens the emotional load
Here is something I did not expect to matter as much as it does: recognizing other people. At my company, we have an internal system where we can send recognition to colleagues. I started using it more this year, not because I had extra time, but because I realized something important.
When I take a moment to acknowledge someone else’s work, it lightens my own emotional load. It shifts my mindset from “I am carrying everything” to “There are people doing great work alongside me.” It softens the resentment. It reconnects me to the team instead of the pressure.
Recognition is not about credit. It is about connection.
Real gratitude, not the corporate kind
Around the holidays there is always an uptick in company-wide thank you messages. They are nice, but the gratitude that really matters is quieter and more specific.
It is someone who covers a meeting for you without blinking. It is the coworker who sends you a Slack after a meeting, who noticed you seem stretched thin and they’re just checking in. It’s the colleague who steps up when you finally take a breath. It is the moment someone notices your effort without needing you to explain it.
Those are the moments that keep high performers going.
Final thought
Being a high performer is not just about doing more. It is about caring more. But caring more has a cost, and holidays have a way of reminding you of everything you have carried all year.
This week, let yourself put a little of it down. Your team will survive. Your projects will survive. You deserve to feel human for a few days.