I have a confession.
I get annoyed with work.
I love my job, I’m passionate about the work we do and that passion can unfortunately lend itself to me to growing annoyed. A lot. Not in a dramatic, throwing-staplers kind of way. More in a quiet, internal, eye-twitch, “why isn’t anyone getting this” kind of way.
It often feels like the general onslaught of everyday life is fraught with nonsense that grates against my overly efficient tendencies. And for a long time, I’ve repeatedly thought to myself: “These people are idiots.” Which, to be fair, sometimes feels statistically supported.
But during a recent doomscrolling session, I came across a creator Alleah Friedrichs (@law_of_attraction_with_alleah) who said something that caught my attention:
“It’s not that everyone else is annoying. It’s that you are annoy-able.”
I immediately dismissed it and kept scrolling. But it lingered. It bothered me. So naturally, I had to scroll back up.
Am I annoyed a lot? Yes. Do I enjoy it? Not really. If there was a way to not feel this way, would I make the change? Maybe.
I love my job. I love what I do. But feeling irritated often taints it — and I don’t actually want to move through my days this activated.
So, at Alleah’s suggestion, I’ve been experimenting with becoming what she calls “unfuckwithable.”
Not cold or disengaged. Not shutting off my emotions and becoming a corporate robot. Just unwilling to donate my emotional energy to negativity that’s unnecessary and frankly unproductive.
Here’s what I’m trying.
1. Decide “Not Today.”
At the start of the day, I decide: not today.
Not today will I spiral over tone. Not today will I let inefficiency hijack my mood. Not today will I mentally draft a full performance improvement plan for someone who said “circle back.”
It is my routine behavior to get annoyed. And I am a fully grown adult who can control her emotions. I used to think I was doing that because I wasn’t saying anything out loud. But being silently irritated is still being irritated.
There is something powerful about pre-deciding that you are above the chaos. Not superior — just not available for it. And honestly, when I enter the day this way, things that used to irritate me often just feel funny.
Funny beats irksome every time.
2. Reframe Without Gaslighting Yourself
This is not toxic positivity. I am not sitting in meetings whispering, “Everything is beautiful.”
But I have started asking one question: why?
The coworker who over-explains? Maybe they’re anxious and trying to prove value.
The leader who rambles? Maybe they’re overwhelmed.
The person who “just doesn’t get it”? Maybe they genuinely don’t understand and are afraid to ask for help.
Reframing doesn’t excuse behavior. It reduces threat. When a situation feels less personal, I don’t feel activated by it.
It also opens the door to solutions. Maybe what’s needed isn’t frustration — maybe it’s context. Maybe it’s a quick 1:1. Maybe it’s better communication.
At the end of the day, everyone is just trying to do their job. In my line of work, the end goal is helping patients. Remembering that perspective alone can stop annoyance before it starts.
3. When I Feel the Surge, I Say: “Pattern.”
This is the one I’m still getting used to because it feels awkward.
Quietly, under my breath: “Pattern.”
That’s it.
Instead of “I am furious,” it becomes, “Oh. There’s that pattern again.”
It creates distance. It turns my reaction into data. This isn’t new. It isn’t unique. It’s a well-worn groove in my brain — and grooves can be redirected.
The Part No One Wants to Admit
Being easily annoyed can feel like a sign of intelligence. “This is obvious. Why don’t they get it?”
And sometimes, maybe that’s true. But if your intelligence makes you chronically irritated, that’s not benefiting anyone.
I want to grow. I want to mentor and be mentored. I want to lead. Being easily annoyed doesn’t open the door to any of that. And frankly, no one wants to collaborate with the person who is always complaining.
There’s also a difference between being annoy-able and there being a real problem. If something is systemically broken — if it’s a pain point for multiple people — that’s not a cue to spiral. That’s an opportunity to solve.
Instead of griping, I can dig deeper, find the root cause, and create a solution. Now I’m not just less annoyed — I’m useful. That’s a much better feeling.
Where I Am Today
I’m not cured. I still get annoyed.
But I’m practicing.
And every time I choose not to spiral, I reinforce the version of myself I actually want to be.
Steady. Strategic. Unfuckwithable.